Mixed Emotions

My graduation has come and gone. The night itself was quite overwhelming and wonderful and scary and sad all at the same time. How can that be? Well, it just was. It was completely overwhelming for me to actually be crossing that stage, in my college cap and gown, and accepting my diploma (case only) from President Betz. It's something that I always knew I could do, but didn't know if the day would ever come. It was wonderful because I got to graduate with my best friend, Joy. I had never thought about it before, but that was an amazing thing as well. To get to graduate with your best friend? I wouldn't have wanted it any other way. It was scary because I kept thinking to myself, "Are you really doing this?" It was like it was surreal almost. I didn't want to get there and have them say, "Oh, wait. Sorry, you're not graduating." Luckily that didn't happen. I was very sad because this was another chapter that was over. The saddest part of it was that I could have graduated with honors, but because I hadn't focused enough my last two semesters at OU, I wasn't able to bring my GPA up enough to do so. I tried hard, believe me. It just wasn't enough. And it was really embarrassing to me because I knew it could have been done, but I have no one to blame but myself.

It's also what's come, or rather what hasn't come since my graduation that's got me with mixed emotions. Now, I'm not a "gimme presents" type of person. I'd actually prefer to not get presents. But on a day like Monday, one of the biggest days of my life, I would have liked to have some recognition from family members of this monumental accomplishment. There were family members that could have been there that chose not to come. I will never understand that, mostly because there were family members who absolutely couldn't be there but would have if possible. Why didn't you show up? I will never get this day back, and you weren't there to celebrate it with me. It hurts. Seriously. I also have family members who not only didn't come, but haven't even acknowledged that I graduated. Nothing. Not a phone call, not a card in the mail, squat! Something as simple as, "We're really proud of you! We knew it was hard, and we're so happy for you!" would have been enough, honestly. But, nope. I don't get it. What this says to me is that my momentous occasions are nothing. It doesn't matter that I graduated. It's nothing. It's unimportant. And, it wasn't harder for me to do this time around because I have two kids and a husband and one income. At least that's the message this is sending me. I don't want to be selfish, but it would be nice if some recognition was given to me for doing something that about 80% of Oklahomans haven't and will not do. Not important enough, I guess.

The family and friends that I did have there made the night amazing! It was incredible and I'm so lucky to have the support I do. And there were family and friends who couldn't be there that acknowledged what I had accomplished. And I love them dearly for it!

I guess I had higher expectations than I should have. I know there were some people there that didn't have anyone supporting them. But if all I've heard over the last 3 years is, "Just finish. Get that degree. You 'deserve' it," then why wouldn't they come to be a part of something so great? I just don't get it.