Reflections of a Lifetime

I know I do this a lot, but sorry. It's one of my "things" that I do. Anyway, I had a recollection back to high school and it got me to thinking about what my life could have been like. What would life have been like for me if I had stayed with my high school boyfriend?

I'll tell you this, I'm glad that I didn't end up with him. He is a cad; he's selfish to no end; he is completely amoral, in my opinion. I don't know what drew me to him. I like to think of myself as an intelligent person, but dating him has to be one of the dumbest things I've ever done. I put myself through Hell while I was with him. I did the same to my friends and family. Seems to me that I ended up on the better side of that break-up. What would my life have been like if we had stayed together, though? By now, I would either be so distanced from my family, because he's in the military, that I'd be lonely and depressed, OR I'd be knocked up for the fourth time and contemplating divorce. He's THAT BAD! God really looked out for me when I was dating him. Now, I made some STUPID and embarrassing mistakes when we were together, but I'm fortunate enough to have learned from them.

What would life have been like if I had married the next guy I dated after my high school boyfriend? Well, it probably would have been a little less conflictual, but not much. He and I were meant to be friends, and just friends. We fought a lot. We would fight because I felt like he didn't value me as an important part of his life. I think he felt like I shouldn't have wanted to be that important to him. I did care for him. I honestly contemplated marriage with him. Luckily, we both decided that that would not have necessarily been the right answer. Again, God looking out for me. The difference here is that he is a great person and I'm lucky to have known him. We just didn't work as a couple. So, life with him would possibly have ended in divorce as well. Divorce is not my solution to anything, don't get me wrong. But I do know how difficult I can be to live with, and when you mix in the wrong personality, sometimes people just give up. That's probably what would have happened had we stayed together. Don't get me started on the racial side of things because I definitely know that would have been a struggle, constantly.

I have it pretty good right now. I married the person God had intended for me to marry from day one. I may not have known it way back in high school, but He did (God, that is). And I'm proud of myself for being cognizant enough to listen when God literally spoke to me. It's an experience that I don't know would ever come around again. I'm lucky, I think, to have experienced that. I count myself that every day when I look over and see the man who will be standing by me for the rest of my life.

I couldn't have asked for a better mate in life, either. He keeps me grounded. He stresses me out, but in the next breath has me laughing so hard I cry. He tells me what I need to hear, not always what I want to hear. But he is caring and sensitive, as well. He's the perfect mix of what I could have ever dreamed up. He's not perfect by any means, but he's perfect for me. And I am lucky enough to call him my husband.

I know I've said that I'm lucky about a gazillion times. But I really feel that way. I can't choose another word to describe how it makes me feel to wake up every day in my life. It's not always great, but it's never as bad as it could be. And for that, I'm truly grateful!