Is the answer staring me in the face?

I never thought this day would come. And the words felt like an arrow to the heart. NO, nothing with me and Ryan. See, I took Reesey to get her 4-year-old Well Child Check on Wednesday. It was already a high-stress day, since it was Alex's first day of kindergarten.

So, off we went, just us girls. And it was nearing the end of the visit when Dr. Feghali dropped a bomb on me. He told me we need to consider having Reese's ears surgically corrected. She has ears that just don't look like normal ears. But it's something that I absolutely love about her. I think they add to her personality. The look of her ears is something that was genetically passed down from Ryan's family and a few people have ears that look similar. Ryan has been crushed since the day she was born, even crying about it the first time he saw her ears. Like there was anything he could do about it. I guess he feels like he did it to her, but I don't believe that at all. Again, I love her ears. I think she's beautiful and I think they are really cute!

So, what's the problem? Well, Dr. Feghali suggested it so nonchalantly and matter-of-factly that it just blew me away. And when would she be having this surgery? Well, before next summer was his suggestion. Really? He seems to be under the assumption that kids are cruel and she will be teased about them. While he's probably right, I just don't know what to do.

My biggest problem with the whole thing is simple. If we get the surgery done, are we telling her that we think there's something wrong with the way she looks? That's not a message I want to be sending her. Also, I don't want her to have to be put under anesthesia. I'm a mom. My main concerns are for her health and safety. I want her heart to be healthy as well, but at what cost? What are we really telling her? That if she doesn't have this surgery that we don't care about her enough to protect her from bullies? Will she be mad at us later in life if we don't do this now? Or, if we go through with it, are we telling her she looks funny and it needed to be fixed? I guess it's like children with cleft palates that have to be surgically reconstructed. But not really, actually. This is purely cosmetic. We'd be having it done so she wouldn't be teased. If she had a huge nose, would we get her a nose job? NO!
So, what do I do? One part of me is saying, "Just get it done. Quit being such a baby about it. She'll be fine and she'd probably want it done if she was old enough to decide." Then the other part of me says, "Don't do it. That baby looks to you for self-esteem. You don't want her to have a complex about her looks and that's exactly what you'll be doing to her if you do it."Agh! HELP!

School is nearing....

Well, another school year is about to begin and I'm not sure what to make of it. My son, my baby boy, is going to kindergarten this year. This is all day kindergarten, so he's not too thrilled about it. I think when he hears us talking about "all day kindergarten" in his mind he's thinking he has to be there literally ALL DAY. He even asked me if he comes home when it gets dark outside. Poor guy. It will be an adjustment, though, with him gone all day. It makes me tear up right now just thinking about it. He's my oldest and I've always been a stay-at-home mom (except for that month that I worked at Convergys). He's my pal, my little man. What are Reesey and I going to do all day without him here? I'm sure we'll manage, but it will be weird for awhile.

I'm on the downhill slope of my schooling endeavor. I've only got this upcoming semester and next semester (hopefully) until I get my Bachelor's degree. I'm now starting to panic because I'm afraid I won't be able to find a job after I graduate. Student loans will need to be repaid. We're wanting to buy a house and an extra income would help out with that tremendously. I'm just not sure what type of job I'll be able to get, if any. It's especially frightening with the economy the way it is right now. I'm going to work my tail off these next two semesters, though, so that once I do graduate I've got a great transcript and even better recommendations from professors if need be.

My girls won't be in any of my classes this semester. That makes me even sadder. :-( I don't know what I'm going to do with myself. Having them in class with me makes me work even harder. They, Joy and Carissa, are both so smart that my competitive drive kicks in. I just want to be on their level, so I do the very best that I can in hopes that I won't look like an idiot next to them. They keep me going. When I'm having a rough day at school, or at home that has been brought with me, they're there to make me forget about it and laugh my booty off. It will be awfully lonely in class without my two partners in crime. Whatever will I do with myself?