I know I do this a lot, but sorry. It's one of my "things" that I do. Anyway, I had a recollection back to high school and it got me to thinking about what my life could have been like. What would life have been like for me if I had stayed with my high school boyfriend?
I'll tell you this, I'm glad that I didn't end up with him. He is a cad; he's selfish to no end; he is completely amoral, in my opinion. I don't know what drew me to him. I like to think of myself as an intelligent person, but dating him has to be one of the dumbest things I've ever done. I put myself through Hell while I was with him. I did the same to my friends and family. Seems to me that I ended up on the better side of that break-up. What would my life have been like if we had stayed together, though? By now, I would either be so distanced from my family, because he's in the military, that I'd be lonely and depressed, OR I'd be knocked up for the fourth time and contemplating divorce. He's THAT BAD! God really looked out for me when I was dating him. Now, I made some STUPID and embarrassing mistakes when we were together, but I'm fortunate enough to have learned from them.
What would life have been like if I had married the next guy I dated after my high school boyfriend? Well, it probably would have been a little less conflictual, but not much. He and I were meant to be friends, and just friends. We fought a lot. We would fight because I felt like he didn't value me as an important part of his life. I think he felt like I shouldn't have wanted to be that important to him. I did care for him. I honestly contemplated marriage with him. Luckily, we both decided that that would not have necessarily been the right answer. Again, God looking out for me. The difference here is that he is a great person and I'm lucky to have known him. We just didn't work as a couple. So, life with him would possibly have ended in divorce as well. Divorce is not my solution to anything, don't get me wrong. But I do know how difficult I can be to live with, and when you mix in the wrong personality, sometimes people just give up. That's probably what would have happened had we stayed together. Don't get me started on the racial side of things because I definitely know that would have been a struggle, constantly.
I have it pretty good right now. I married the person God had intended for me to marry from day one. I may not have known it way back in high school, but He did (God, that is). And I'm proud of myself for being cognizant enough to listen when God literally spoke to me. It's an experience that I don't know would ever come around again. I'm lucky, I think, to have experienced that. I count myself that every day when I look over and see the man who will be standing by me for the rest of my life.
I couldn't have asked for a better mate in life, either. He keeps me grounded. He stresses me out, but in the next breath has me laughing so hard I cry. He tells me what I need to hear, not always what I want to hear. But he is caring and sensitive, as well. He's the perfect mix of what I could have ever dreamed up. He's not perfect by any means, but he's perfect for me. And I am lucky enough to call him my husband.
I know I've said that I'm lucky about a gazillion times. But I really feel that way. I can't choose another word to describe how it makes me feel to wake up every day in my life. It's not always great, but it's never as bad as it could be. And for that, I'm truly grateful!
Thursday, December 31, 2009
Friday, December 18, 2009
Relationships....
So, I have been doing a lot of thinking recently about people and relationships and the like. I think one thing that kept coming up was that who we are affects those around us. Obviously that can be both good and bad, but I want to take it much deeper, if I may.
As a little girl, I envied my brother in almost everything he did. He was so incredibly talented with art, an amazing athlete, and highly intelligent. I wanted to be just like him. I've never told him that and probably never will because we just don't have that type of relationship. Anyway, he was so impressive to me. He and I never really got along, though. It seemed like no matter what I did, I was always that annoying little sister that he didn't want to be around. Now, don't get me wrong, we did have some good times...some. But those were few and very far between. When we stayed home alone together during the summers, some days we would play together for hours on end. Other days, we would hardly speak to each other. It saddens me to think that I probably never will have a relationship with him, or at least not the kind of relationship I want to have with him. He is still incredibly talented with art, an amazing athlete, and highly intelligent. And I still look up to him, and not just because he's taller than me. But I don't think he realizes how much he means to me and how much I love him.
He went through a rough patch about two years ago, and our family almost crumbled. But he got through it, and we were all there for each other. We were kind to each other. There was no teasing, arguing, or hateful comments. We were civilized, loving people. And those few months, even though they were difficult because of the circumstances, were some of my most treasured because I felt like my brother saw me in a different light. My world stopped because of him. I neglected some of my duties as a wife and mother because I was so torn up inside because of what was happening to him. That's how important he is to me.
But then it all went back. He became that older brother who saw me as that annoying little sister again. He doesn't talk to me anymore. I hardly ever see him, and it's only when I go to see his kids play sports. I hate it that we're like that. I wish we could be close, much like Ryan's family. While they may tease each other, I can tell you this, he is closer to his siblings than any other person I know. And he's that way with all four of them, each in their own way. I am so incredibly jealous of that. My brother and I are all we have. And yet, what do we really have? We have an older brother who is in his own world, and probably doesn't even see this little sister he has and how much she hurts and longs for a big brother to want to be her friend.
I'm sure that will never ever change, but it has changed me. I love him, and I always will. But I know that he doesn't see me the same way I see him. And it hurts. Honestly, I think that's why I strive so hard for my children to have a totally different relationship. They love each other. They hug each other. They kiss each other. I think they are each other's best friend. I hope they never lose that, because that would be a tragedy.
I know that he's a different person now, my brother. And he has been through a lot in his 31 years on this earth. But one thing has never changed. I have always been his little sister, and I always will. And who he is affects me. It hurts me when he's hurting. It makes me glad when things are going well for him. I genuinely care about how he's doing, but how can I know that if we never speak? And why does it have to be that way? We just don't know how to have a relationship, and I think until he decides he wants to know me for who I really am, we never will. I'm always ready and willing, whenever that time may be...if ever.
As a little girl, I envied my brother in almost everything he did. He was so incredibly talented with art, an amazing athlete, and highly intelligent. I wanted to be just like him. I've never told him that and probably never will because we just don't have that type of relationship. Anyway, he was so impressive to me. He and I never really got along, though. It seemed like no matter what I did, I was always that annoying little sister that he didn't want to be around. Now, don't get me wrong, we did have some good times...some. But those were few and very far between. When we stayed home alone together during the summers, some days we would play together for hours on end. Other days, we would hardly speak to each other. It saddens me to think that I probably never will have a relationship with him, or at least not the kind of relationship I want to have with him. He is still incredibly talented with art, an amazing athlete, and highly intelligent. And I still look up to him, and not just because he's taller than me. But I don't think he realizes how much he means to me and how much I love him.
He went through a rough patch about two years ago, and our family almost crumbled. But he got through it, and we were all there for each other. We were kind to each other. There was no teasing, arguing, or hateful comments. We were civilized, loving people. And those few months, even though they were difficult because of the circumstances, were some of my most treasured because I felt like my brother saw me in a different light. My world stopped because of him. I neglected some of my duties as a wife and mother because I was so torn up inside because of what was happening to him. That's how important he is to me.
But then it all went back. He became that older brother who saw me as that annoying little sister again. He doesn't talk to me anymore. I hardly ever see him, and it's only when I go to see his kids play sports. I hate it that we're like that. I wish we could be close, much like Ryan's family. While they may tease each other, I can tell you this, he is closer to his siblings than any other person I know. And he's that way with all four of them, each in their own way. I am so incredibly jealous of that. My brother and I are all we have. And yet, what do we really have? We have an older brother who is in his own world, and probably doesn't even see this little sister he has and how much she hurts and longs for a big brother to want to be her friend.
I'm sure that will never ever change, but it has changed me. I love him, and I always will. But I know that he doesn't see me the same way I see him. And it hurts. Honestly, I think that's why I strive so hard for my children to have a totally different relationship. They love each other. They hug each other. They kiss each other. I think they are each other's best friend. I hope they never lose that, because that would be a tragedy.
I know that he's a different person now, my brother. And he has been through a lot in his 31 years on this earth. But one thing has never changed. I have always been his little sister, and I always will. And who he is affects me. It hurts me when he's hurting. It makes me glad when things are going well for him. I genuinely care about how he's doing, but how can I know that if we never speak? And why does it have to be that way? We just don't know how to have a relationship, and I think until he decides he wants to know me for who I really am, we never will. I'm always ready and willing, whenever that time may be...if ever.
Friday, November 6, 2009
Poems That Inspire Me
Sonnet 116
By: William Shakespeare
Let me not to the marriage of true minds
Admit impediments. Love is not love
Which alters when it alteration finds,
Or bends with the remover to remove:
O, no! it is an ever-fixed mark,
That looks on tempests and is never shaken;
It is the star to every wandering bark,
Whose worth's unknown, although his height be taken.
Love's not Time's fool, though rosy lips and cheeks
Within his bending sickle's compass come;
Love alters not with his brief hours and weeks,
But bears it out even to the edge of doom.
If this be error and upon me proved,
I never writ, nor no man ever loved.
Sonnet 43 By: Elizabeth Barret Browning
How do I love thee? Let me count the ways. I love thee to the depth and breadth and height My soul can reach, when feeling out of sight For the ends of Being and ideal Grace. I love thee to the level of everyday's Most quiet need, by sun and candle-light. I love thee freely, as men strive for Right; I love thee with the passion put to use In my old griefs, and with my childhood's faith. I love thee with a love I seemed to lose With my lost saints,--I love thee with the breath, Smiles, tears, of all my life!--and, if God choose, I shall but love thee better after death.
Where the Sidewalk Ends
By: Shel Silverstein
There is a place where the sidewalk ends
And before the street begins,
And there the grass grows soft and white,
And there the sun burns crimson bright,
And there the moon-bird rests from his flight
To cool in the peppermint wind.
Let us leave this place where the smoke blows black
And the dark street winds and bends.
Past the pits where the asphalt flowers grow
We shall walk with a walk that is measured and slow,
And watch where the chalk-white arrows go
To the place where the sidewalk ends.
Yes we'll walk with a walk that is measured and slow,
And we'll go where the chalk-white arrows go,
For the children, they mark, and the children, they know
The place where the sidewalk ends.
By: William Shakespeare
Let me not to the marriage of true minds
Admit impediments. Love is not love
Which alters when it alteration finds,
Or bends with the remover to remove:
O, no! it is an ever-fixed mark,
That looks on tempests and is never shaken;
It is the star to every wandering bark,
Whose worth's unknown, although his height be taken.
Love's not Time's fool, though rosy lips and cheeks
Within his bending sickle's compass come;
Love alters not with his brief hours and weeks,
But bears it out even to the edge of doom.
If this be error and upon me proved,
I never writ, nor no man ever loved.
Where the Sidewalk Ends
By: Shel Silverstein
There is a place where the sidewalk ends
And before the street begins,
And there the grass grows soft and white,
And there the sun burns crimson bright,
And there the moon-bird rests from his flight
To cool in the peppermint wind.
Let us leave this place where the smoke blows black
And the dark street winds and bends.
Past the pits where the asphalt flowers grow
We shall walk with a walk that is measured and slow,
And watch where the chalk-white arrows go
To the place where the sidewalk ends.
Yes we'll walk with a walk that is measured and slow,
And we'll go where the chalk-white arrows go,
For the children, they mark, and the children, they know
The place where the sidewalk ends.
I Wandered Lonely as a Cloud
By: William Wordsworth
I wandered lonely as a cloud
That floats on high o’er vales and hills,
When all at once I saw a crowd,
A host, of golden daffodils;
Beside the lake, beneath the trees,
Fluttering and dancing in the breeze.
Continuous as the stars that shine
And twinkle on the milky way,
They stretched in never-ending line
Along the margin of a bay:
Ten thousand saw I at a glance,
Tossing their heads in sprightly dance.
The waves beside them danced; but they
Out-did the sparkling waves in glee:
A poet could not but be gay,
In such a jocund company:
I gazed--and gazed--but little thought
What wealth the show to me had brought:
For oft, when on my couch I lie
In vacant or in pensive mood,
They flash upon that inward eye
Which is the bliss of solitude;
And then my heart with pleasure fills,
And dances with the daffodils.
By: William Wordsworth
I wandered lonely as a cloud
That floats on high o’er vales and hills,
When all at once I saw a crowd,
A host, of golden daffodils;
Beside the lake, beneath the trees,
Fluttering and dancing in the breeze.
Continuous as the stars that shine
And twinkle on the milky way,
They stretched in never-ending line
Along the margin of a bay:
Ten thousand saw I at a glance,
Tossing their heads in sprightly dance.
The waves beside them danced; but they
Out-did the sparkling waves in glee:
A poet could not but be gay,
In such a jocund company:
I gazed--and gazed--but little thought
What wealth the show to me had brought:
For oft, when on my couch I lie
In vacant or in pensive mood,
They flash upon that inward eye
Which is the bliss of solitude;
And then my heart with pleasure fills,
And dances with the daffodils.
Monday, October 26, 2009
That big question, "Why?"
So, why is it that, with all of the homework that I already have to do, I am supposed to also do my son's kindergarten homework? And for that matter, why do kindergarteners have homework?
Why do the people you expect to be the last to disappoint you end up being the ones who inevitably will?
Why does money never stretch as far as you'd like it to?
Why is it that when you go for that last cookie, or that anticipated bowl of cereal in the morning, it usually ends up being gone, or the milk carton is empty?
Why does Monday always have a "feel" to it?
Why do we put our faith in men (mankind, not males) when we know they will let us down?
Why can I never admit when I'm wrong, but expect that of others?
Why is it that the lady who sits by me in one of my classes cheats off of me, "borrows" my study guide, and lies about how much work she did outside of class? And why do I allow all of this to go on?
Why are my children so weird?!? :-)
Why do I tend to ask questions that I know have answers I don't want to hear?
Why? Just, why?
Why do the people you expect to be the last to disappoint you end up being the ones who inevitably will?
Why does money never stretch as far as you'd like it to?
Why is it that when you go for that last cookie, or that anticipated bowl of cereal in the morning, it usually ends up being gone, or the milk carton is empty?
Why does Monday always have a "feel" to it?
Why do we put our faith in men (mankind, not males) when we know they will let us down?
Why can I never admit when I'm wrong, but expect that of others?
Why is it that the lady who sits by me in one of my classes cheats off of me, "borrows" my study guide, and lies about how much work she did outside of class? And why do I allow all of this to go on?
Why are my children so weird?!? :-)
Why do I tend to ask questions that I know have answers I don't want to hear?
Why? Just, why?
Thursday, October 22, 2009
Those were the days...
Sometimes I find myself looking back on some really great times during my childhood, and I wish I could just be 10 again. Like, when we would go to Rick's Roll-Arena in Owasso and roller skate for hours on end. I'll often hear a song on the radio and tell Ryan, "Hey! That song reminds me of roller skating." He usually just smiles or tells me it reminds him of HIGH SCHOOL! :-) Nevertheless, there are those magical times as a kid when it seemed like nothing could touch you.
I long for those days sometimes. As I inch closer and closer to my college graduation, I find myself reflecting back on those worry-free times. Those times seemed to have passed by so quickly. I can't even imagine what my parents must be thinking now about them. If they went by that quickly for me, they must seem like a flash to them.
Anywho...with graduation getting closer, I am getting more and more nervous. Why? I think it's because this is one of the biggest things I've ever done. It's in the top 5 of the biggest days of my life. First, of course, is my wedding day. Then come the births of my children. And then I think it's this day. Obviously this day is going to be special for what it is. But I think I find it more profound because this is the first time I've ever done something for myself. I have worked so incredibly hard for this. I'm doing this because I know I can. This isn't so I can get a better job at work, especially since I don't work right now. That doesn't even matter to me. I could go out and get any job right now and be perfectly content. But this is for me. This is something that I've always wanted. And now it's only months away. It's 6 months away! And I want everyone I know and love to be a part of it with me.
If I had graduated 5 years ago, when I probably should have, I think I would have been proud and felt accomplished. But somehow, I think it means more now. I've had a lot of obstacles thrown in my way. I have two small children who need their Momma. And I make sure I make the time for them. But I also have to make time for school. So there is this constant battle in my heart over who needs what time, and what needs to come first. But something remarkable happened to me the other day driving Alex to school. We were at the stop sign at the park near our house, and I hear this little voice in the back say, "Momma, you and Daddy will NEVER stop loving each other." That little angel knows that family is the most important thing to me. He knows how much Ryan and I love each other. So all those times where I thought that I might not have been showing them enough how important they were to me, all three of them, I guess I have been. From the mouths of babes, huh?
So, for those of you who have supported me and encouraged me in this endeavor, I wish to thank you from the bottom of my heart. I really couldn't have done it without all your kind words, prayers, and even distractions (when I really needed them). It has been a long hard 3 years, but I wouldn't have it any other way.
Please come and celebrate my graduation with me. It would mean the world to me to have all my friends and especially my family there with me. This is for you, too! I really believe that. I want to thank you all for helping me along this journey! I know it's still 6 months away, but the way I see it, it's JUST 6 months away.
Who knows, maybe in 6 months, I'll take the kids roller skating and really show 'em who's boss!
I long for those days sometimes. As I inch closer and closer to my college graduation, I find myself reflecting back on those worry-free times. Those times seemed to have passed by so quickly. I can't even imagine what my parents must be thinking now about them. If they went by that quickly for me, they must seem like a flash to them.
Anywho...with graduation getting closer, I am getting more and more nervous. Why? I think it's because this is one of the biggest things I've ever done. It's in the top 5 of the biggest days of my life. First, of course, is my wedding day. Then come the births of my children. And then I think it's this day. Obviously this day is going to be special for what it is. But I think I find it more profound because this is the first time I've ever done something for myself. I have worked so incredibly hard for this. I'm doing this because I know I can. This isn't so I can get a better job at work, especially since I don't work right now. That doesn't even matter to me. I could go out and get any job right now and be perfectly content. But this is for me. This is something that I've always wanted. And now it's only months away. It's 6 months away! And I want everyone I know and love to be a part of it with me.
If I had graduated 5 years ago, when I probably should have, I think I would have been proud and felt accomplished. But somehow, I think it means more now. I've had a lot of obstacles thrown in my way. I have two small children who need their Momma. And I make sure I make the time for them. But I also have to make time for school. So there is this constant battle in my heart over who needs what time, and what needs to come first. But something remarkable happened to me the other day driving Alex to school. We were at the stop sign at the park near our house, and I hear this little voice in the back say, "Momma, you and Daddy will NEVER stop loving each other." That little angel knows that family is the most important thing to me. He knows how much Ryan and I love each other. So all those times where I thought that I might not have been showing them enough how important they were to me, all three of them, I guess I have been. From the mouths of babes, huh?
So, for those of you who have supported me and encouraged me in this endeavor, I wish to thank you from the bottom of my heart. I really couldn't have done it without all your kind words, prayers, and even distractions (when I really needed them). It has been a long hard 3 years, but I wouldn't have it any other way.
Please come and celebrate my graduation with me. It would mean the world to me to have all my friends and especially my family there with me. This is for you, too! I really believe that. I want to thank you all for helping me along this journey! I know it's still 6 months away, but the way I see it, it's JUST 6 months away.
Who knows, maybe in 6 months, I'll take the kids roller skating and really show 'em who's boss!
Monday, October 12, 2009
Reese's Story (October 12, 2009)
Once upon a time there was a beautiful princess named Snow White and the seven dwarfs. And the handsome prince came to her castle, and she fell inside of the forest, and she fell in a little tiny house full of cobwebs, and all there is these little tiny guys named Sleepy, Dopey, Happy, Grumpy, Doc, and there was Bashful and Sneezy, yeah and then there was a bunny that Snow White found and all the animals runned away and all got in holes in the trees. And then all the dwarfs came home and the door was open and they found lights were on and Snow White cleaned their house so they made it dirty. The queen gave Snow White a poisonous apple and their was these dirty dishes and she dust chair and said, "What a pile of dirty dishes!" Then she flapped her rag out the window. This deer put this glove on a racoon. This racoon looked with meany eyes. The queen made her eat the poisonous apple. That was not very nice to laugh at her when she was dead. Then Snow White had her funeral. The seven dwarfs were sad. And even Grumpy was and Bashful and Dopey and Doc and Sneezy. Then there was this guy that was trying to get Snow White's heart. But he said he couldn't do it. The queen was being mean. She was trying to get this bird to go home. They were all glad Snow White was awake. And then the prince took her to the castle. Then she found pretty flowers but not wild flowers. I watched it all the times, and I love it.
**You can't tell me that isn't the greatest story you've ever read.**
**You can't tell me that isn't the greatest story you've ever read.**
Friday, August 21, 2009
Is the answer staring me in the face?
I never thought this day would come. And the words felt like an arrow to the heart. NO, nothing with me and Ryan. See, I took Reesey to get her 4-year-old Well Child Check on Wednesday. It was already a high-stress day, since it was Alex's first day of kindergarten.
So, off we went, just us girls. And it was nearing the end of the visit when Dr. Feghali dropped a bomb on me. He told me we need to consider having Reese's ears surgically corrected. She has ears that just don't look like normal ears. But it's something that I absolutely love about her. I think they add to her personality. The look of her ears is something that was genetically passed down from Ryan's family and a few people have ears that look similar. Ryan has been crushed since the day she was born, even crying about it the first time he saw her ears. Like there was anything he could do about it. I guess he feels like he did it to her, but I don't believe that at all. Again, I love her ears. I think she's beautiful and I think they are really cute!
So, what's the problem? Well, Dr. Feghali suggested it so nonchalantly and matter-of-factly that it just blew me away. And when would she be having this surgery? Well, before next summer was his suggestion. Really? He seems to be under the assumption that kids are cruel and she will be teased about them. While he's probably right, I just don't know what to do.
My biggest problem with the whole thing is simple. If we get the surgery done, are we telling her that we think there's something wrong with the way she looks? That's not a message I want to be sending her. Also, I don't want her to have to be put under anesthesia. I'm a mom. My main concerns are for her health and safety. I want her heart to be healthy as well, but at what cost? What are we really telling her? That if she doesn't have this surgery that we don't care about her enough to protect her from bullies? Will she be mad at us later in life if we don't do this now? Or, if we go through with it, are we telling her she looks funny and it needed to be fixed? I guess it's like children with cleft palates that have to be surgically reconstructed. But not really, actually. This is purely cosmetic. We'd be having it done so she wouldn't be teased. If she had a huge nose, would we get her a nose job? NO!
So, what do I do? One part of me is saying, "Just get it done. Quit being such a baby about it. She'll be fine and she'd probably want it done if she was old enough to decide." Then the other part of me says, "Don't do it. That baby looks to you for self-esteem. You don't want her to have a complex about her looks and that's exactly what you'll be doing to her if you do it."Agh! HELP!
So, off we went, just us girls. And it was nearing the end of the visit when Dr. Feghali dropped a bomb on me. He told me we need to consider having Reese's ears surgically corrected. She has ears that just don't look like normal ears. But it's something that I absolutely love about her. I think they add to her personality. The look of her ears is something that was genetically passed down from Ryan's family and a few people have ears that look similar. Ryan has been crushed since the day she was born, even crying about it the first time he saw her ears. Like there was anything he could do about it. I guess he feels like he did it to her, but I don't believe that at all. Again, I love her ears. I think she's beautiful and I think they are really cute!
So, what's the problem? Well, Dr. Feghali suggested it so nonchalantly and matter-of-factly that it just blew me away. And when would she be having this surgery? Well, before next summer was his suggestion. Really? He seems to be under the assumption that kids are cruel and she will be teased about them. While he's probably right, I just don't know what to do.
My biggest problem with the whole thing is simple. If we get the surgery done, are we telling her that we think there's something wrong with the way she looks? That's not a message I want to be sending her. Also, I don't want her to have to be put under anesthesia. I'm a mom. My main concerns are for her health and safety. I want her heart to be healthy as well, but at what cost? What are we really telling her? That if she doesn't have this surgery that we don't care about her enough to protect her from bullies? Will she be mad at us later in life if we don't do this now? Or, if we go through with it, are we telling her she looks funny and it needed to be fixed? I guess it's like children with cleft palates that have to be surgically reconstructed. But not really, actually. This is purely cosmetic. We'd be having it done so she wouldn't be teased. If she had a huge nose, would we get her a nose job? NO!
So, what do I do? One part of me is saying, "Just get it done. Quit being such a baby about it. She'll be fine and she'd probably want it done if she was old enough to decide." Then the other part of me says, "Don't do it. That baby looks to you for self-esteem. You don't want her to have a complex about her looks and that's exactly what you'll be doing to her if you do it."Agh! HELP!
Wednesday, August 12, 2009
School is nearing....
Well, another school year is about to begin and I'm not sure what to make of it. My son, my baby boy, is going to kindergarten this year. This is all day kindergarten, so he's not too thrilled about it. I think when he hears us talking about "all day kindergarten" in his mind he's thinking he has to be there literally ALL DAY. He even asked me if he comes home when it gets dark outside. Poor guy. It will be an adjustment, though, with him gone all day. It makes me tear up right now just thinking about it. He's my oldest and I've always been a stay-at-home mom (except for that month that I worked at Convergys). He's my pal, my little man. What are Reesey and I going to do all day without him here? I'm sure we'll manage, but it will be weird for awhile.
I'm on the downhill slope of my schooling endeavor. I've only got this upcoming semester and next semester (hopefully) until I get my Bachelor's degree. I'm now starting to panic because I'm afraid I won't be able to find a job after I graduate. Student loans will need to be repaid. We're wanting to buy a house and an extra income would help out with that tremendously. I'm just not sure what type of job I'll be able to get, if any. It's especially frightening with the economy the way it is right now. I'm going to work my tail off these next two semesters, though, so that once I do graduate I've got a great transcript and even better recommendations from professors if need be.
My girls won't be in any of my classes this semester. That makes me even sadder. :-( I don't know what I'm going to do with myself. Having them in class with me makes me work even harder. They, Joy and Carissa, are both so smart that my competitive drive kicks in. I just want to be on their level, so I do the very best that I can in hopes that I won't look like an idiot next to them. They keep me going. When I'm having a rough day at school, or at home that has been brought with me, they're there to make me forget about it and laugh my booty off. It will be awfully lonely in class without my two partners in crime. Whatever will I do with myself?
I'm on the downhill slope of my schooling endeavor. I've only got this upcoming semester and next semester (hopefully) until I get my Bachelor's degree. I'm now starting to panic because I'm afraid I won't be able to find a job after I graduate. Student loans will need to be repaid. We're wanting to buy a house and an extra income would help out with that tremendously. I'm just not sure what type of job I'll be able to get, if any. It's especially frightening with the economy the way it is right now. I'm going to work my tail off these next two semesters, though, so that once I do graduate I've got a great transcript and even better recommendations from professors if need be.
My girls won't be in any of my classes this semester. That makes me even sadder. :-( I don't know what I'm going to do with myself. Having them in class with me makes me work even harder. They, Joy and Carissa, are both so smart that my competitive drive kicks in. I just want to be on their level, so I do the very best that I can in hopes that I won't look like an idiot next to them. They keep me going. When I'm having a rough day at school, or at home that has been brought with me, they're there to make me forget about it and laugh my booty off. It will be awfully lonely in class without my two partners in crime. Whatever will I do with myself?
Monday, July 27, 2009
Things to Ponder
I was having a conversation the other day with my best friends and it got me thinking about what type of person I really am. I know that I am an extremely emotional person. That doesn't mean that I'm a big cry baby all the time, which I am a little, it just means that usually people can read my emotions at any given moment. Whether I'm angry, extremely happy, exhausted and frustrated, sad, whatever the case may be, usually it's written all over my face. I kind of like that about myself, but sometimes it can be a hindrance. I'd like to be a person that people have to figure out. I'd like to be somebody that has an air of mystery about me. Hmm...
I took something else from that night with my friends. It had to be God speaking through me, because as intelligent as I like to think I am, the words just came to me. And what I was saying was what I needed to hear, along with one of my friends. At least, I think she needed to hear it. A lot of the time, things don't always go exactly as we plan. People betray us, or hurt us, or embarrass us, in ways we can't begin to express. When these things happen, it's easy to go to that place that says, "If God really loved me, this wouldn't be happening." That's not the case. Take me as a prime example. I got pregnant before I was married, very early into my relationship with my now husband. I absolutely had a lot on my plate and could have easily crumbled. I faltered a few times, especially when those in the religious world were saying harmful things about me and my family. It made my trust issues ever more present. It made those lingering thoughts from high school rise to the surface. "See. This is what happens when you let people in. Inevitably they'll let you down. They don't care." That's the voice I was hearing. It's Satan. I made huge mistakes at the time. I don't want to seem like I'm not owning up to my responsibilities and my part in all of this, because I do. But during this troubling time, when I felt like my whole world was caving in, I could have really used those people who claimed to be my friends to comfort me, to guide me, to pray with me. Instead they chose to cut me down and ridicule me. And that's their issue, believe me, I'm over it now. It doesn't mean that it doesn't hurt, though.
What do I mean in all of this? Just what I told her that night: "God never promised us that it would be easy. Actually, He promised us the opposite. He told us that it would be hard, and that we would be ridiculed and betrayed. What He did promise us, however, was that during those times when we can't deal, He would be there to hold us. When everything fails, He's there to hold us." Those weren't my exact words, but that's the gist of it. When I felt like I couldn't pick myself up off of the floor, or drag myself out of bed, God was there by my side. He is the only one I owe any explanation to or will be judged by. My family loves and accepts me, no matter what. My true friends were there when I needed them, the few of them that stuck around. And I'm grateful for that huge life lesson. When it gets hard, I know who's got my back.
These are just some things I've been thinking about recently. Do with it what you will.
I took something else from that night with my friends. It had to be God speaking through me, because as intelligent as I like to think I am, the words just came to me. And what I was saying was what I needed to hear, along with one of my friends. At least, I think she needed to hear it. A lot of the time, things don't always go exactly as we plan. People betray us, or hurt us, or embarrass us, in ways we can't begin to express. When these things happen, it's easy to go to that place that says, "If God really loved me, this wouldn't be happening." That's not the case. Take me as a prime example. I got pregnant before I was married, very early into my relationship with my now husband. I absolutely had a lot on my plate and could have easily crumbled. I faltered a few times, especially when those in the religious world were saying harmful things about me and my family. It made my trust issues ever more present. It made those lingering thoughts from high school rise to the surface. "See. This is what happens when you let people in. Inevitably they'll let you down. They don't care." That's the voice I was hearing. It's Satan. I made huge mistakes at the time. I don't want to seem like I'm not owning up to my responsibilities and my part in all of this, because I do. But during this troubling time, when I felt like my whole world was caving in, I could have really used those people who claimed to be my friends to comfort me, to guide me, to pray with me. Instead they chose to cut me down and ridicule me. And that's their issue, believe me, I'm over it now. It doesn't mean that it doesn't hurt, though.
What do I mean in all of this? Just what I told her that night: "God never promised us that it would be easy. Actually, He promised us the opposite. He told us that it would be hard, and that we would be ridiculed and betrayed. What He did promise us, however, was that during those times when we can't deal, He would be there to hold us. When everything fails, He's there to hold us." Those weren't my exact words, but that's the gist of it. When I felt like I couldn't pick myself up off of the floor, or drag myself out of bed, God was there by my side. He is the only one I owe any explanation to or will be judged by. My family loves and accepts me, no matter what. My true friends were there when I needed them, the few of them that stuck around. And I'm grateful for that huge life lesson. When it gets hard, I know who's got my back.
These are just some things I've been thinking about recently. Do with it what you will.
Saturday, May 23, 2009
Straight A Sista!
Well, for the first time since I went back to school the first time (Fall '04), I made straight A's this semester! (PS: Other than that semester, this is the only semester that I've made straight A's. Didn't happen once when I was at OU, no matter how hard I tried. And I've been very close since I've been at NSU, but no cigar...til now!) I wasn't expecting it either. I thought for sure that I'd make a B in my Psychology class, but I did so well on my big paper and my final exam in that class that I was able to pull it off!! I doubt that I'll do this again next semester, but you just never know.
I am, however, extremely proud of myself. It's not easy being a stay-at-home mom trying to go back to school. My days are always full. It doesn't matter what day of the week it is either. I'm either busy with the kids, or homework, or a combination of the two. I'm blessed with the support system that I have around me, because without them, none of it would be possible. So, I owe my straight A's in large part to them. Thank you Grandma, Grandpa, Mom, Dad, Ryan, and the kiddos. And a big thank you to all my other family and friends that support me, pray for me, encourage me, and motivate me to do my very best. I really appreciate it more than I could ever express.
I love you guys!!
I am, however, extremely proud of myself. It's not easy being a stay-at-home mom trying to go back to school. My days are always full. It doesn't matter what day of the week it is either. I'm either busy with the kids, or homework, or a combination of the two. I'm blessed with the support system that I have around me, because without them, none of it would be possible. So, I owe my straight A's in large part to them. Thank you Grandma, Grandpa, Mom, Dad, Ryan, and the kiddos. And a big thank you to all my other family and friends that support me, pray for me, encourage me, and motivate me to do my very best. I really appreciate it more than I could ever express.
I love you guys!!
Friday, May 15, 2009
Just something I wrote last night....
In the silent darkness
When I long for healing,
Who is there to hold me
And give me that feeling?
When all around me fails
And everyone has gone,
Who holds my hand
And tells me to hold on?
If light turns to grey
And disappointment appears,
Who is by my side
To listen to all my fears?
You hold me in the night
When the tears never end.
I survive because of you
With a heart on the mend.
You make life simple
When it gets too rough.
You are my strength
When I can't be tough.
You take away my fears
And dry my weeping eyes.
You love me for who I am
And brighten my darkest skies.
I love you!
When I long for healing,
Who is there to hold me
And give me that feeling?
When all around me fails
And everyone has gone,
Who holds my hand
And tells me to hold on?
If light turns to grey
And disappointment appears,
Who is by my side
To listen to all my fears?
You hold me in the night
When the tears never end.
I survive because of you
With a heart on the mend.
You make life simple
When it gets too rough.
You are my strength
When I can't be tough.
You take away my fears
And dry my weeping eyes.
You love me for who I am
And brighten my darkest skies.
I love you!
Tuesday, May 12, 2009
Friends...my other family
While I love my family dearly, I am really enjoying the time I've gotten to spend with my friends this year. I have started to develop some really good friendships these past, oh, 8 or 9 months and I am feeling so blessed. Now, that does not mean that my other friends mean any less to me, because I still love them very very much. I think it's just that I spend so much more time with these girls.
My best friend, Meg, and I have not seen each other in way too long. We still talk through facebook and occasional calls, when we can squeeze them in. Both of us are entirely way too busy, it seems, to get our schedules coordinated. She is never far from my mind, though. I miss her face! I miss all the fun things we used to do together: dancing in our cars at red lights, telling jokes that only we would laugh at, eating her famously delicious spaghetti (mmmmm), I could really go on and on. She is and will always be my best friend. We practically share a birthday (only 42 hrs. difference!), so we're joined for life in my book. She has been there for me in some really rough times, and I have been there for her as well. When things get dark and there seems to be no one who will understand, we always manage to find each other. I wouldn't have it any other way.
Carissa, sweet Carissa. She is absolutely amazing! I met Carissa technically my first semester at NSU, although we didn't really talk to each other much until my second semester. We've been in a class with each other EVERY semester that I have been enrolled there. I just now realized that. That's quite impressive, considering I only take 2 English classes per semester. She is quiet and reserved, but she can be so hilarious! I think it is even funnier because it is so unexpected. She can be pretty ornery, too! I am just so glad that God has blessed me by putting her into my life. She motivates me to do my very best at school, she listens when I'm having a really bad day, she makes me laugh when I really need it (even if she doesn't realize she's doing it), and she genuinely cares about me (or at least that's how she makes me feel). She is one amazing friend and even though she's graduating in a week (!!) I know that we'll still have our semi-weekly Girl's Night. Girl's Night has been my saving grace this semester. :-)
My dear Joy. I don't know. It's like we have known each other forever, but have really only gotten to know each other since about January. She is hilarious! She is sarcastic, which I absolutely love, but she also can be the sweetest person in the world. When I'm with her, I know that whatever I say will be kept in confidence if needed. I laugh more with her than I have in a really long time. She knows what to say to cheer me up when I'm feeling extra blue. I feel like I can tell her anything and know that I'm not going to be judged for whatever it is. I'm not perfect, and I don't have to be that with her. She lets me just be me. I don't have a lot of girlfriends that I feel like I can be 100% open with, but I feel that with her. We may not have had the same life experiences, but we share similar personalities which makes it easier to communicate without feeling like we're competing or putting on a show. I'm looking forward to going to Oregon this summer because Joy gets to go with me. It will make the trip so much fun having someone like her there to brighten my day! She's simply stunning! I admire her for her gusto and her willingness to not let anything get her down.
I look forward to getting to know Cory much better. From the few times that I've been able to hang out with her, I've had such an incredible time. She's funny and sweet and I can see us having a lifelong friendship as well. Thanks, Cory, for accepting me into your life as well!!
Thank you girls for being my friends! You'll never know how much it has meant to me to be able to have you all in my life. I feel like we are joined for life. No matter where any of us goes, we'll always have each other. I really believe that.
My best friend, Meg, and I have not seen each other in way too long. We still talk through facebook and occasional calls, when we can squeeze them in. Both of us are entirely way too busy, it seems, to get our schedules coordinated. She is never far from my mind, though. I miss her face! I miss all the fun things we used to do together: dancing in our cars at red lights, telling jokes that only we would laugh at, eating her famously delicious spaghetti (mmmmm), I could really go on and on. She is and will always be my best friend. We practically share a birthday (only 42 hrs. difference!), so we're joined for life in my book. She has been there for me in some really rough times, and I have been there for her as well. When things get dark and there seems to be no one who will understand, we always manage to find each other. I wouldn't have it any other way.
Carissa, sweet Carissa. She is absolutely amazing! I met Carissa technically my first semester at NSU, although we didn't really talk to each other much until my second semester. We've been in a class with each other EVERY semester that I have been enrolled there. I just now realized that. That's quite impressive, considering I only take 2 English classes per semester. She is quiet and reserved, but she can be so hilarious! I think it is even funnier because it is so unexpected. She can be pretty ornery, too! I am just so glad that God has blessed me by putting her into my life. She motivates me to do my very best at school, she listens when I'm having a really bad day, she makes me laugh when I really need it (even if she doesn't realize she's doing it), and she genuinely cares about me (or at least that's how she makes me feel). She is one amazing friend and even though she's graduating in a week (!!) I know that we'll still have our semi-weekly Girl's Night. Girl's Night has been my saving grace this semester. :-)
My dear Joy. I don't know. It's like we have known each other forever, but have really only gotten to know each other since about January. She is hilarious! She is sarcastic, which I absolutely love, but she also can be the sweetest person in the world. When I'm with her, I know that whatever I say will be kept in confidence if needed. I laugh more with her than I have in a really long time. She knows what to say to cheer me up when I'm feeling extra blue. I feel like I can tell her anything and know that I'm not going to be judged for whatever it is. I'm not perfect, and I don't have to be that with her. She lets me just be me. I don't have a lot of girlfriends that I feel like I can be 100% open with, but I feel that with her. We may not have had the same life experiences, but we share similar personalities which makes it easier to communicate without feeling like we're competing or putting on a show. I'm looking forward to going to Oregon this summer because Joy gets to go with me. It will make the trip so much fun having someone like her there to brighten my day! She's simply stunning! I admire her for her gusto and her willingness to not let anything get her down.
I look forward to getting to know Cory much better. From the few times that I've been able to hang out with her, I've had such an incredible time. She's funny and sweet and I can see us having a lifelong friendship as well. Thanks, Cory, for accepting me into your life as well!!
Thank you girls for being my friends! You'll never know how much it has meant to me to be able to have you all in my life. I feel like we are joined for life. No matter where any of us goes, we'll always have each other. I really believe that.
Sunday, April 26, 2009
Fuming...
What is it about my personality that screams, "Please aggravate me!!"??? I can't, for the life of me, figure that one out. I get so frustrated that the people who know me best seem to take pleasure in teasing me, or making fun of me, or saying outright hurtful things to me. And a lot of times, these people are family. Why is that?!? Is there a part of me that welcomes that? Do I walk around with a big fat neon sign that asks for it?
Because I'm really tired of it! I'm sick of people picking and prodding. And they don't know when to stop. Or maybe they do and they just don't care. I've left many a family gathering in tears. But I wouldn't dare show those tears to them because then it would be even worse. It makes me not want to be around these people anymore. They're my family, though. The worst part of it all is that I really and truly love these people. I desire close relationships with every single one of them. Yet I've become this sort of "punching bag" that everyone seems to need to just pounce on the minute I walk through the door.
It hurts my heart when they act like this. Nothing I do can make it stop. I've tried acting like it didn't bother me. All that did was bring it on even worse, until they could see the reaction they wanted. I've tried fighting back. But that gets me nowhere and leaves me feeling horrible for stooping to their levels. It's a no-win situation. And I don't even really want to win. I just don't want to be torn down like that anymore.
I hate that saying, "If you can't take it, don't dish it out." I don't even dish it out anymore. I haven't for a long time. But they just won't stop. They know who they are, and if they ever read this, I'm sure I'd never hear the end of it again. I don't even know why I'm writing this. I'm probably just wanting to vent my frustrations in the hopes that I may get some clarity through it all. I'm almost to the point where I'm going to stop going to family functions. When I am constantly ridiculed or chastised for things that have no bearing in the real world or things that should be praised, all I want to do is tell them off and never see them again. Who knows what will come from this? I'm sure I'll just roll over and take it like I always do. I see no other course of action to be taken.
I just want it to be known that I'm sick of it. I cry every time I leave a family function or gathering. And I want it to stop.
There. That's all.
Because I'm really tired of it! I'm sick of people picking and prodding. And they don't know when to stop. Or maybe they do and they just don't care. I've left many a family gathering in tears. But I wouldn't dare show those tears to them because then it would be even worse. It makes me not want to be around these people anymore. They're my family, though. The worst part of it all is that I really and truly love these people. I desire close relationships with every single one of them. Yet I've become this sort of "punching bag" that everyone seems to need to just pounce on the minute I walk through the door.
It hurts my heart when they act like this. Nothing I do can make it stop. I've tried acting like it didn't bother me. All that did was bring it on even worse, until they could see the reaction they wanted. I've tried fighting back. But that gets me nowhere and leaves me feeling horrible for stooping to their levels. It's a no-win situation. And I don't even really want to win. I just don't want to be torn down like that anymore.
I hate that saying, "If you can't take it, don't dish it out." I don't even dish it out anymore. I haven't for a long time. But they just won't stop. They know who they are, and if they ever read this, I'm sure I'd never hear the end of it again. I don't even know why I'm writing this. I'm probably just wanting to vent my frustrations in the hopes that I may get some clarity through it all. I'm almost to the point where I'm going to stop going to family functions. When I am constantly ridiculed or chastised for things that have no bearing in the real world or things that should be praised, all I want to do is tell them off and never see them again. Who knows what will come from this? I'm sure I'll just roll over and take it like I always do. I see no other course of action to be taken.
I just want it to be known that I'm sick of it. I cry every time I leave a family function or gathering. And I want it to stop.
There. That's all.
Monday, April 13, 2009
My family -- What a cast of characters!
Easter weekend was quite fun for us in the McAlister household. We had to do our egg hunt a day early since it was going to rain on Easter. So we all went over to Meemaw and Papa's house (otherwise known as my parents' house) and had a good ole time. My brother and his family were there (minus Paxton). We watched "I Am Legend" before and after the egg hunt. I've never seen that movie before, and I had to miss parts of it because Mom and I were the ones hiding the eggs. But it's a pretty decent movie.
My kids get all hopped up on sugar whenever Easter, Christmas, and Halloween roll around because we don't let them have a lot of candy any other time. I'd rather their teeth not rot out before they've had the chance to grow their second set. Well, in their sugar high, my kids seem to act extremely different. Alex will just bounce off the wall like any normal kid would. But Reesey seems to get bossier and bossier in her sugar-high state. It's pretty obnoxious. She was even bossing Grandpa Brown around when he was trying to draw her pictures. First she tells him he HAS to draw her a picture, then she tells him it's not right so he changes it, then that one's not right either. She takes the final picture and wads it up and throws it in the trash. Mind you, this is after she's already bossed my dad and Ryan into drawing her pictures and done the exact same thing. She didn't like either of those pictures and threw them in the trash as well. Yeah.
But we did have a good time. We were with family and nothing else mattered. It was nice. We went to church Sunday morning with my parents. My brother's family was there also...all of them this time. The service was nice and the kids were good during their stay in the sanctuary. Afterwards we went to Fuddrucker's in South Tulsa for lunch with the entire family. And I have to say that eating with my nephew, Cooper, is an experience all in itself. He is DISGUSTING! He eats weird combinations of foods. He talks about bathroom functions. He has this sick sense of humor that involves bodily functions and weird scenarios. It's gross. I don't enjoy eating meals with him right now. Really. I love him to death, but it's really unpleasant. Thankfully he's only 8 and this will subside?
My hubby is a different story altogether. He yells at video games when he's losing and thinks the system is "cheating" him. It's ridiculous. He never backs down from a stupid situation either. See him here wearing my niece, Jordan's hat while we were at my parents' house the other night. Lovely.
So there's my family. They're strange, funny, crazy, and bossy. They are also very loving and generous and kind. We're one big happy, weird, silly family. And I love it!
My kids get all hopped up on sugar whenever Easter, Christmas, and Halloween roll around because we don't let them have a lot of candy any other time. I'd rather their teeth not rot out before they've had the chance to grow their second set. Well, in their sugar high, my kids seem to act extremely different. Alex will just bounce off the wall like any normal kid would. But Reesey seems to get bossier and bossier in her sugar-high state. It's pretty obnoxious. She was even bossing Grandpa Brown around when he was trying to draw her pictures. First she tells him he HAS to draw her a picture, then she tells him it's not right so he changes it, then that one's not right either. She takes the final picture and wads it up and throws it in the trash. Mind you, this is after she's already bossed my dad and Ryan into drawing her pictures and done the exact same thing. She didn't like either of those pictures and threw them in the trash as well. Yeah.
But we did have a good time. We were with family and nothing else mattered. It was nice. We went to church Sunday morning with my parents. My brother's family was there also...all of them this time. The service was nice and the kids were good during their stay in the sanctuary. Afterwards we went to Fuddrucker's in South Tulsa for lunch with the entire family. And I have to say that eating with my nephew, Cooper, is an experience all in itself. He is DISGUSTING! He eats weird combinations of foods. He talks about bathroom functions. He has this sick sense of humor that involves bodily functions and weird scenarios. It's gross. I don't enjoy eating meals with him right now. Really. I love him to death, but it's really unpleasant. Thankfully he's only 8 and this will subside?
My hubby is a different story altogether. He yells at video games when he's losing and thinks the system is "cheating" him. It's ridiculous. He never backs down from a stupid situation either. See him here wearing my niece, Jordan's hat while we were at my parents' house the other night. Lovely.
So there's my family. They're strange, funny, crazy, and bossy. They are also very loving and generous and kind. We're one big happy, weird, silly family. And I love it!
Thursday, April 9, 2009
Blessed
With the Recession that we're in, it puts into perspective what we have to be thankful for in our lives. I just found out that a dear friend of mine was laid off yesterday. No warning, no two weeks to find a job. She will get severance pay for two weeks, but she's only got a short amount of time to find a job.
They're starting to make some cutbacks at the Post Office as well. It doesn't seem to affect Ryan directly...yet. But you never know. For now, they're getting rid of managers. And how strange is it that just a few months ago, like less than 6 months, we thought Ryan should go into management to give us some security financially. If he had done that, where would we be? Probably in the poor house or out on the streets. And I'm not kidding. We are a single income family. We can't afford for him to lose his job. And it could happen, just like THAT!
I'm so glad that we listened to God during that time. We didn't pray for God to help Ryan get into the management program at work. We prayed that if this was the door He wanted us to walk through, then He would put the desire into Ryan's heart. And that desire was never there. Ryan took that as his sign that this wasn't something he should do. And I'm so glad he listened.
About a year and a half ago, my family went through some really trying times. I'm not going to get into that here, mostly because it's not the kind of thing I wanna discuss on a blog. But I will say that I am so blessed that things didn't turn out like they could have. Things are not perfect. And they'll never be the way they were again. But they're okay right now. And I'm okay with that. I'd rather have things be just "okay" than them be in the pooper like they were. Life is amazing sometimes. A year and a half ago, our nation wasn't in a Recession yet. But it felt like my family was going through our own sort of Recession. It was hard to see the light at the end of the tunnel, or the silver lining in any situation. But we got through it. And I think we're all a lot stronger because of it.
I love my family dearly. They are my whole life. And I'm blessed that God allows me to have the time I do with them. I think I cherish it even more now knowing that it can all be taken away in the blink of an eye.
They're starting to make some cutbacks at the Post Office as well. It doesn't seem to affect Ryan directly...yet. But you never know. For now, they're getting rid of managers. And how strange is it that just a few months ago, like less than 6 months, we thought Ryan should go into management to give us some security financially. If he had done that, where would we be? Probably in the poor house or out on the streets. And I'm not kidding. We are a single income family. We can't afford for him to lose his job. And it could happen, just like THAT!
I'm so glad that we listened to God during that time. We didn't pray for God to help Ryan get into the management program at work. We prayed that if this was the door He wanted us to walk through, then He would put the desire into Ryan's heart. And that desire was never there. Ryan took that as his sign that this wasn't something he should do. And I'm so glad he listened.
About a year and a half ago, my family went through some really trying times. I'm not going to get into that here, mostly because it's not the kind of thing I wanna discuss on a blog. But I will say that I am so blessed that things didn't turn out like they could have. Things are not perfect. And they'll never be the way they were again. But they're okay right now. And I'm okay with that. I'd rather have things be just "okay" than them be in the pooper like they were. Life is amazing sometimes. A year and a half ago, our nation wasn't in a Recession yet. But it felt like my family was going through our own sort of Recession. It was hard to see the light at the end of the tunnel, or the silver lining in any situation. But we got through it. And I think we're all a lot stronger because of it.
I love my family dearly. They are my whole life. And I'm blessed that God allows me to have the time I do with them. I think I cherish it even more now knowing that it can all be taken away in the blink of an eye.
Saturday, March 28, 2009
Snow in March?
Well, we all knew it was coming, but I don't think we thought it'd be like this. We had a lot of thunderstorms last night and our backyard was a lake, as usual. Today, it was supposed to snow, and the weathermen kept telling us that we'd get a lot of it, but you know we don't ever believe them. Apparently they were exactly right! Here are some pictures from about 10 am.
So, apparently it doesn't matter if it's Spring, Summer, Fall, or Winter. We're just gonna get whatever the heck we get here in Oklahoma. Nice. Whoda thunk?
Friday, March 27, 2009
My week back to real life
So, this was my week back to school and somewhat normal life again. No more "sitting at home" and doing nothing. But, then again, I didn't really get a Spring Break since I was sick all week and couldn't do anything. But I just kind of feel normal again. I'm back into my routine of taking Alex to school everyday and going to school myself twice a week.
Speaking of my school, I just figured something out that's pretty ROCKIN'! While my parents were here tonight, I got to looking at the schedule of courses that are offered next semester. While there's not much available for me to take, I will be able to take needed classes. But the interesting thing was, that I may actually graduate in Spring 2010 instead of Fall 2010! Can you believe that? My last semester will end up being 12 hours, but 3 of those hours will be my Capstone, which isn't really necessarily a class at all. So, I'll be done sooner than I thought. Can you believe that?!? I'm so excited! The only thing is that Reesey will only be starting pre-k, not kindergarten. So, I don't know what we're gonna do as far as childcare goes. But that'll all depend on a job that I get...if I can get one then.
Being sick kind of put a kink into things around here. Last week, Alex had his first t-ball practice and I wasn't able to go because I was running a 101.2 fever and didn't think I needed to be around other people. So my mom took him and Ryan picked him up after he got off work. Well, I was hoping to be able to go to his practices this week since I was feeling better. Yeah, that didn't happen either. It rained out practice on Tuesday night and I am in class until 10 pm on Wednesday nights, so I didn't get to go again! I'm really bummed, because I've never even laid eyes on his coaches or any of the other parents. It's awfully strange.
We went to get Alex fitted for his t-ball uniform today. They had brought samples to practice on Wednesday night, but it was too cold and disorganized for the kids to try them on out there at the fields. So, they suggested we go to the place that's going to do the uniforms, "The Scoreboard." They've been in business FOREVER! Seriously. My brother and I used to order our baseball and softball uniforms from this company when we played growing up. Anywho...so when we went over there this afternoon, the man who runs the place was an absolute jerk! He acted like we were idiots for being there getting sized. I mean, come on! Isn't your job to sell uniforms and other sports paraphernalia to people? Don't you think it would be smart business to treat people with respect. I mean, if we didn't HAVE to use this company, I would never go back there after being talked to like I was today. It's not my fault that our team couldn't try on uniforms in 40 degree weather. Who acts like that? I mean, really?
I don't know. Maybe I'm a little sensitive, but I just don't like being talked down to or being treated rudely by people. Especially people in customer service. This company relies on word-of-mouth for a lot of their business and I'll just tell you this: the words that will be coming out of this mouth will not be in praise or complimentary to his company. He'll be sorry. I just hope that he doesn't treat the other parents like he treated me today. It's uncalled for.
Oh, and another development that I thought was interesting: Ryan may get a facebook page! :-) I think it's funny because he teases me all the time for having a facebook page and says that it's ridiculous that people use facebook. And now he's seriously considering it. He actually told me the other day that he wanted me to help him set one up. Now who's being ridiculous?
Speaking of my school, I just figured something out that's pretty ROCKIN'! While my parents were here tonight, I got to looking at the schedule of courses that are offered next semester. While there's not much available for me to take, I will be able to take needed classes. But the interesting thing was, that I may actually graduate in Spring 2010 instead of Fall 2010! Can you believe that? My last semester will end up being 12 hours, but 3 of those hours will be my Capstone, which isn't really necessarily a class at all. So, I'll be done sooner than I thought. Can you believe that?!? I'm so excited! The only thing is that Reesey will only be starting pre-k, not kindergarten. So, I don't know what we're gonna do as far as childcare goes. But that'll all depend on a job that I get...if I can get one then.
Being sick kind of put a kink into things around here. Last week, Alex had his first t-ball practice and I wasn't able to go because I was running a 101.2 fever and didn't think I needed to be around other people. So my mom took him and Ryan picked him up after he got off work. Well, I was hoping to be able to go to his practices this week since I was feeling better. Yeah, that didn't happen either. It rained out practice on Tuesday night and I am in class until 10 pm on Wednesday nights, so I didn't get to go again! I'm really bummed, because I've never even laid eyes on his coaches or any of the other parents. It's awfully strange.
We went to get Alex fitted for his t-ball uniform today. They had brought samples to practice on Wednesday night, but it was too cold and disorganized for the kids to try them on out there at the fields. So, they suggested we go to the place that's going to do the uniforms, "The Scoreboard." They've been in business FOREVER! Seriously. My brother and I used to order our baseball and softball uniforms from this company when we played growing up. Anywho...so when we went over there this afternoon, the man who runs the place was an absolute jerk! He acted like we were idiots for being there getting sized. I mean, come on! Isn't your job to sell uniforms and other sports paraphernalia to people? Don't you think it would be smart business to treat people with respect. I mean, if we didn't HAVE to use this company, I would never go back there after being talked to like I was today. It's not my fault that our team couldn't try on uniforms in 40 degree weather. Who acts like that? I mean, really?
I don't know. Maybe I'm a little sensitive, but I just don't like being talked down to or being treated rudely by people. Especially people in customer service. This company relies on word-of-mouth for a lot of their business and I'll just tell you this: the words that will be coming out of this mouth will not be in praise or complimentary to his company. He'll be sorry. I just hope that he doesn't treat the other parents like he treated me today. It's uncalled for.
Oh, and another development that I thought was interesting: Ryan may get a facebook page! :-) I think it's funny because he teases me all the time for having a facebook page and says that it's ridiculous that people use facebook. And now he's seriously considering it. He actually told me the other day that he wanted me to help him set one up. Now who's being ridiculous?
Monday, March 23, 2009
Catching you up...
December? Really? That was my last blog post? Sorry guys! It's been CRAAAAZY around here! So, what's been going on? LOTS!
I started another semester at school. After this one, I've only got three more to go! Can you believe that?!? School is going great, but I've been busy busy. I've been hanging out more with some of the girls from my classes. Joy and Carissa are the two that I've developed quite a friendship with and I'm so blessed. They are both great Christian women who inspire me to be a better student and better friend. Joy is a couple of years older than me and she's married to her hubby, Billy. They've been married for 12 years! So sweet! Joy's sarcasm rivals mine, so look out!! And Carissa, well she's a young'un. She's only 22, so she's got her whole life ahead of her. :-) She is actually graduating this semester, and I'll miss her in classes, but I'm glad that we've all gotten so close this year. It's made school that much more enjoyable. We'll keep in touch after she's gone. We have a standing Girl's Night that we will definitely have to keep up.
I'm going to Oregon for a week this summer. It's for school, but it'll also be a nice little mini-vacation. We're going to the Oregon Shakespeare Festival in Ashland, OR during the first week of June. I'm really excited and blessed to be able to go. My favorite professor at school is the one who's leading this excursion, so it'll be that much more enjoyable. I just can't believe that it's already this close!! Pray for me when we leave. I don't enjoy flying. AT ALL! I'm actually terrified, if you didn't know this about me already. So it'll be difficult. And I'll be by myself (sans family) on the plane, so I'll be extra nervous. So, keep fingers crossed and utter more prayers for me on May 31st when we leave and June 6th when we head back.
Alex is starting t-ball again this summer. He's already had his first practice, which I had to miss because I got sick...again! He's really excited and so are we. We're on a different team this year, but I think it'll be good. He's still going to wear number 1, but this year his team is the Tigers. Orange and black! He's so excited. He's also doing extremely well in school. Like he wouldn't. :-) But he did have trouble one day, leaving the class without permission. That's automatic "move your clip to red" time. He has since been grounded from the video games for an entire month. It's been torture for him, but he's gotta learn. We've had no more instances since then, so I think he got the picture.
Reesey. Yeah. Well. She's been a bit of a handful. If you don't know this already, she's been a terror. She's Bernice re-incarnated, so I've been told. Bernice would be my great-grandma Bernice Bailey. My parents always told me that I had hints of her in my personality, but my dad finally admitted that Reesey is Bernice. This can be a good thing and a bad thing. Reesey is sweet and loving, just like Grandma Bernice. But she's also the most stubborn thing in the entire world, also just like Grandma Bernice. I love her dearly, but I can't take much more of her little "diva" attitude. It got so bad that I had actually threatened to take everything out of her room. And when I say "everything" I mean EVERYTHING! And I did it. She pushed me too far and I took every dang thing out of her room. The only thing in there was her bed, blanket, and pillow. She didn't even have Bunny (her buddy since the day she was born). And that night, Daddy had the kids by himself, and she pushed him too far, so he took her bed away. She only had the mattress, pillow and blanket. She has since started to earn things back, one at a time. I think she finally got the hint that she does not rule this house and she doesn't decide who does what, when things get done, and who is in trouble. She's not the parent, however much she wishes she was. Battle one: Score Momma.
I got Bronchitis...again. I got sick in January, right before school started. And I thought that would be my illness for the year. Apparently not. I got bronchitis again this past week, which was supposed to be my Spring Break. Yeah, fun. I'm just now beginning to feel like a human again.
My best friend, Meg is pregnant! She's been wanting this forever! They weren't sure if they'd be able to have a baby, since she has endometriosis (sp?) and pregnancy is always difficult with that. She's amazing and she and Andrew are going to be fabulous parents! I'm so excited for her to experience what I've been lucky enough to experience myself. Motherhood is a blessing and pregnancy is a joy, even when it doesn't seem like it. Love you, Meggles!!
So, that's what's been going on in our world these past few months. I'll do better about keeping this more up to date. Sorry for it being so late this time around. Promise, it won't happen again.
I started another semester at school. After this one, I've only got three more to go! Can you believe that?!? School is going great, but I've been busy busy. I've been hanging out more with some of the girls from my classes. Joy and Carissa are the two that I've developed quite a friendship with and I'm so blessed. They are both great Christian women who inspire me to be a better student and better friend. Joy is a couple of years older than me and she's married to her hubby, Billy. They've been married for 12 years! So sweet! Joy's sarcasm rivals mine, so look out!! And Carissa, well she's a young'un. She's only 22, so she's got her whole life ahead of her. :-) She is actually graduating this semester, and I'll miss her in classes, but I'm glad that we've all gotten so close this year. It's made school that much more enjoyable. We'll keep in touch after she's gone. We have a standing Girl's Night that we will definitely have to keep up.
I'm going to Oregon for a week this summer. It's for school, but it'll also be a nice little mini-vacation. We're going to the Oregon Shakespeare Festival in Ashland, OR during the first week of June. I'm really excited and blessed to be able to go. My favorite professor at school is the one who's leading this excursion, so it'll be that much more enjoyable. I just can't believe that it's already this close!! Pray for me when we leave. I don't enjoy flying. AT ALL! I'm actually terrified, if you didn't know this about me already. So it'll be difficult. And I'll be by myself (sans family) on the plane, so I'll be extra nervous. So, keep fingers crossed and utter more prayers for me on May 31st when we leave and June 6th when we head back.
Alex is starting t-ball again this summer. He's already had his first practice, which I had to miss because I got sick...again! He's really excited and so are we. We're on a different team this year, but I think it'll be good. He's still going to wear number 1, but this year his team is the Tigers. Orange and black! He's so excited. He's also doing extremely well in school. Like he wouldn't. :-) But he did have trouble one day, leaving the class without permission. That's automatic "move your clip to red" time. He has since been grounded from the video games for an entire month. It's been torture for him, but he's gotta learn. We've had no more instances since then, so I think he got the picture.
Reesey. Yeah. Well. She's been a bit of a handful. If you don't know this already, she's been a terror. She's Bernice re-incarnated, so I've been told. Bernice would be my great-grandma Bernice Bailey. My parents always told me that I had hints of her in my personality, but my dad finally admitted that Reesey is Bernice. This can be a good thing and a bad thing. Reesey is sweet and loving, just like Grandma Bernice. But she's also the most stubborn thing in the entire world, also just like Grandma Bernice. I love her dearly, but I can't take much more of her little "diva" attitude. It got so bad that I had actually threatened to take everything out of her room. And when I say "everything" I mean EVERYTHING! And I did it. She pushed me too far and I took every dang thing out of her room. The only thing in there was her bed, blanket, and pillow. She didn't even have Bunny (her buddy since the day she was born). And that night, Daddy had the kids by himself, and she pushed him too far, so he took her bed away. She only had the mattress, pillow and blanket. She has since started to earn things back, one at a time. I think she finally got the hint that she does not rule this house and she doesn't decide who does what, when things get done, and who is in trouble. She's not the parent, however much she wishes she was. Battle one: Score Momma.
I got Bronchitis...again. I got sick in January, right before school started. And I thought that would be my illness for the year. Apparently not. I got bronchitis again this past week, which was supposed to be my Spring Break. Yeah, fun. I'm just now beginning to feel like a human again.
My best friend, Meg is pregnant! She's been wanting this forever! They weren't sure if they'd be able to have a baby, since she has endometriosis (sp?) and pregnancy is always difficult with that. She's amazing and she and Andrew are going to be fabulous parents! I'm so excited for her to experience what I've been lucky enough to experience myself. Motherhood is a blessing and pregnancy is a joy, even when it doesn't seem like it. Love you, Meggles!!
So, that's what's been going on in our world these past few months. I'll do better about keeping this more up to date. Sorry for it being so late this time around. Promise, it won't happen again.
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