What is it about my personality that screams, "Please aggravate me!!"??? I can't, for the life of me, figure that one out. I get so frustrated that the people who know me best seem to take pleasure in teasing me, or making fun of me, or saying outright hurtful things to me. And a lot of times, these people are family. Why is that?!? Is there a part of me that welcomes that? Do I walk around with a big fat neon sign that asks for it?
Because I'm really tired of it! I'm sick of people picking and prodding. And they don't know when to stop. Or maybe they do and they just don't care. I've left many a family gathering in tears. But I wouldn't dare show those tears to them because then it would be even worse. It makes me not want to be around these people anymore. They're my family, though. The worst part of it all is that I really and truly love these people. I desire close relationships with every single one of them. Yet I've become this sort of "punching bag" that everyone seems to need to just pounce on the minute I walk through the door.
It hurts my heart when they act like this. Nothing I do can make it stop. I've tried acting like it didn't bother me. All that did was bring it on even worse, until they could see the reaction they wanted. I've tried fighting back. But that gets me nowhere and leaves me feeling horrible for stooping to their levels. It's a no-win situation. And I don't even really want to win. I just don't want to be torn down like that anymore.
I hate that saying, "If you can't take it, don't dish it out." I don't even dish it out anymore. I haven't for a long time. But they just won't stop. They know who they are, and if they ever read this, I'm sure I'd never hear the end of it again. I don't even know why I'm writing this. I'm probably just wanting to vent my frustrations in the hopes that I may get some clarity through it all. I'm almost to the point where I'm going to stop going to family functions. When I am constantly ridiculed or chastised for things that have no bearing in the real world or things that should be praised, all I want to do is tell them off and never see them again. Who knows what will come from this? I'm sure I'll just roll over and take it like I always do. I see no other course of action to be taken.
I just want it to be known that I'm sick of it. I cry every time I leave a family function or gathering. And I want it to stop.
There. That's all.
Sunday, April 26, 2009
Monday, April 13, 2009
My family -- What a cast of characters!
Easter weekend was quite fun for us in the McAlister household. We had to do our egg hunt a day early since it was going to rain on Easter. So we all went over to Meemaw and Papa's house (otherwise known as my parents' house) and had a good ole time. My brother and his family were there (minus Paxton). We watched "I Am Legend" before and after the egg hunt. I've never seen that movie before, and I had to miss parts of it because Mom and I were the ones hiding the eggs. But it's a pretty decent movie.
My kids get all hopped up on sugar whenever Easter, Christmas, and Halloween roll around because we don't let them have a lot of candy any other time. I'd rather their teeth not rot out before they've had the chance to grow their second set. Well, in their sugar high, my kids seem to act extremely different. Alex will just bounce off the wall like any normal kid would. But Reesey seems to get bossier and bossier in her sugar-high state. It's pretty obnoxious. She was even bossing Grandpa Brown around when he was trying to draw her pictures. First she tells him he HAS to draw her a picture, then she tells him it's not right so he changes it, then that one's not right either. She takes the final picture and wads it up and throws it in the trash. Mind you, this is after she's already bossed my dad and Ryan into drawing her pictures and done the exact same thing. She didn't like either of those pictures and threw them in the trash as well. Yeah.
But we did have a good time. We were with family and nothing else mattered. It was nice. We went to church Sunday morning with my parents. My brother's family was there also...all of them this time. The service was nice and the kids were good during their stay in the sanctuary. Afterwards we went to Fuddrucker's in South Tulsa for lunch with the entire family. And I have to say that eating with my nephew, Cooper, is an experience all in itself. He is DISGUSTING! He eats weird combinations of foods. He talks about bathroom functions. He has this sick sense of humor that involves bodily functions and weird scenarios. It's gross. I don't enjoy eating meals with him right now. Really. I love him to death, but it's really unpleasant. Thankfully he's only 8 and this will subside?
My hubby is a different story altogether. He yells at video games when he's losing and thinks the system is "cheating" him. It's ridiculous. He never backs down from a stupid situation either. See him here wearing my niece, Jordan's hat while we were at my parents' house the other night. Lovely.
So there's my family. They're strange, funny, crazy, and bossy. They are also very loving and generous and kind. We're one big happy, weird, silly family. And I love it!
My kids get all hopped up on sugar whenever Easter, Christmas, and Halloween roll around because we don't let them have a lot of candy any other time. I'd rather their teeth not rot out before they've had the chance to grow their second set. Well, in their sugar high, my kids seem to act extremely different. Alex will just bounce off the wall like any normal kid would. But Reesey seems to get bossier and bossier in her sugar-high state. It's pretty obnoxious. She was even bossing Grandpa Brown around when he was trying to draw her pictures. First she tells him he HAS to draw her a picture, then she tells him it's not right so he changes it, then that one's not right either. She takes the final picture and wads it up and throws it in the trash. Mind you, this is after she's already bossed my dad and Ryan into drawing her pictures and done the exact same thing. She didn't like either of those pictures and threw them in the trash as well. Yeah.
But we did have a good time. We were with family and nothing else mattered. It was nice. We went to church Sunday morning with my parents. My brother's family was there also...all of them this time. The service was nice and the kids were good during their stay in the sanctuary. Afterwards we went to Fuddrucker's in South Tulsa for lunch with the entire family. And I have to say that eating with my nephew, Cooper, is an experience all in itself. He is DISGUSTING! He eats weird combinations of foods. He talks about bathroom functions. He has this sick sense of humor that involves bodily functions and weird scenarios. It's gross. I don't enjoy eating meals with him right now. Really. I love him to death, but it's really unpleasant. Thankfully he's only 8 and this will subside?
My hubby is a different story altogether. He yells at video games when he's losing and thinks the system is "cheating" him. It's ridiculous. He never backs down from a stupid situation either. See him here wearing my niece, Jordan's hat while we were at my parents' house the other night. Lovely.
So there's my family. They're strange, funny, crazy, and bossy. They are also very loving and generous and kind. We're one big happy, weird, silly family. And I love it!
Thursday, April 9, 2009
Blessed
With the Recession that we're in, it puts into perspective what we have to be thankful for in our lives. I just found out that a dear friend of mine was laid off yesterday. No warning, no two weeks to find a job. She will get severance pay for two weeks, but she's only got a short amount of time to find a job.
They're starting to make some cutbacks at the Post Office as well. It doesn't seem to affect Ryan directly...yet. But you never know. For now, they're getting rid of managers. And how strange is it that just a few months ago, like less than 6 months, we thought Ryan should go into management to give us some security financially. If he had done that, where would we be? Probably in the poor house or out on the streets. And I'm not kidding. We are a single income family. We can't afford for him to lose his job. And it could happen, just like THAT!
I'm so glad that we listened to God during that time. We didn't pray for God to help Ryan get into the management program at work. We prayed that if this was the door He wanted us to walk through, then He would put the desire into Ryan's heart. And that desire was never there. Ryan took that as his sign that this wasn't something he should do. And I'm so glad he listened.
About a year and a half ago, my family went through some really trying times. I'm not going to get into that here, mostly because it's not the kind of thing I wanna discuss on a blog. But I will say that I am so blessed that things didn't turn out like they could have. Things are not perfect. And they'll never be the way they were again. But they're okay right now. And I'm okay with that. I'd rather have things be just "okay" than them be in the pooper like they were. Life is amazing sometimes. A year and a half ago, our nation wasn't in a Recession yet. But it felt like my family was going through our own sort of Recession. It was hard to see the light at the end of the tunnel, or the silver lining in any situation. But we got through it. And I think we're all a lot stronger because of it.
I love my family dearly. They are my whole life. And I'm blessed that God allows me to have the time I do with them. I think I cherish it even more now knowing that it can all be taken away in the blink of an eye.
They're starting to make some cutbacks at the Post Office as well. It doesn't seem to affect Ryan directly...yet. But you never know. For now, they're getting rid of managers. And how strange is it that just a few months ago, like less than 6 months, we thought Ryan should go into management to give us some security financially. If he had done that, where would we be? Probably in the poor house or out on the streets. And I'm not kidding. We are a single income family. We can't afford for him to lose his job. And it could happen, just like THAT!
I'm so glad that we listened to God during that time. We didn't pray for God to help Ryan get into the management program at work. We prayed that if this was the door He wanted us to walk through, then He would put the desire into Ryan's heart. And that desire was never there. Ryan took that as his sign that this wasn't something he should do. And I'm so glad he listened.
About a year and a half ago, my family went through some really trying times. I'm not going to get into that here, mostly because it's not the kind of thing I wanna discuss on a blog. But I will say that I am so blessed that things didn't turn out like they could have. Things are not perfect. And they'll never be the way they were again. But they're okay right now. And I'm okay with that. I'd rather have things be just "okay" than them be in the pooper like they were. Life is amazing sometimes. A year and a half ago, our nation wasn't in a Recession yet. But it felt like my family was going through our own sort of Recession. It was hard to see the light at the end of the tunnel, or the silver lining in any situation. But we got through it. And I think we're all a lot stronger because of it.
I love my family dearly. They are my whole life. And I'm blessed that God allows me to have the time I do with them. I think I cherish it even more now knowing that it can all be taken away in the blink of an eye.
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