Momma

I am going to get sentimental here.  I may get sappy.  I may even make myself cry.  But I am going to speak (write) straight from the heart.  I absolutely love the word "momma."  Spell it how you want.  Call her what you will.  A mother is one of THE MOST important jobs on this planet.  It is a privilege to be able to call yourself "momma" or to have someone call you that.  It is a title I do not take lightly.

I have been "Momma" for almost 10 years now.  My son will turn 10 in July, which sickens me at the same time it brings me great joy.  My son has been one of the greatest joys of my life.  If I have done anything correct in this world, I know he is it, along with his sister.  I may not be good at many things in this crazy world, but I know I am a darn good mother.  My children are proof of that.

I know that sounds narcissistic.  It's not, I assure you.  I have some of the lowest self-esteem in many areas of my life.  Being a mom is not one of those areas, though.  My kids bring me great joy.  They are truly incredible human beings.

Alex is one of the kindest, most genuine people I have ever encountered.  His heart is truly that of a giving, loving person.  There's a line from Kicking and Screaming where Will Ferrell's character says, "I am a kind and compassionate human being, with the heart of a lion!"  It's said in a joking manner, and Alex has even said this exact line to just be funny, but it's the truth as far as he is concerned.  He really is a kind and compassionate human being.  He has been one of the happiest kiddos I have ever met, for literally his entire life.  He was not a difficult baby by any means.  He rarely cried, and when he did cry, he was easily soothed.  I have countless pictures of that boy smiling from the time he was about 8 weeks old on.  He just exudes happiness, which makes everyone else around him much happier.  That kid can brighten anyone's day.  He has the softest, sweetest voice.  When you can catch him long enough to sit down and have a conversation (which is very rare for him), you would be amazed at what he says.  For only being 9 years old, he is a wise old soul.  He gets it.  He understands more than a 9-year-old should.  He truly is amazing.  I could not have asked for a better son or a better first child because he made being a mom easy.  I feel like I kind of cheated in the whole "being a first time mom" gig.  It wasn't always easy, but I know I had it way better than a lot of other people.  I don't take that for granted for one second.

Reese is by far one of the sweetest kids anyone will ever meet.  She can be ornery, just like her Grandpa Brown, but she will also give her very last penny to someone in need.  She has tried that on many occasions.  She constantly thinks of others.  Her feelings are genuinely hurt if she feels like she has done something to upset another person.  She is the epitome of that saying "wearing your heart on your sleeve."  And it is one of her greatest attributes.  You might think that is strange, but I see her emotional sensitivity as an asset, not a fault.  She is skeptical, yet very trusting of those close to her.  She never takes someone at face value.  It will always take her awhile to warm up to someone.  But once you've proven yourself to her, you are a friend for life.  She is loyal, honest, and compassionate toward those who are important in her life.  This girl can, and someday will, move mountains.  I don't know why I was blessed to become her mother, but I cherish it every single day.  She is a momma's girl in so many ways.  She always wants me to do things with her, listen to her many stories, look at her incredible art she creates, or just sit with her and watch television.  She treasures the little moments in life, and I absolutely love that about her.

My mom has made being a mother to my own children easy.  I had an incredible example.  My mom was my mom first and my friend second.  I can't tell you how many instances I have seen where moms want to be their kids' friend.  They want to share clothes with their teenage daughters.  They want to be buddies with their kids' friends.  They want to be "the cool mom."  My mom wasn't like that.  My mom didn't care if we were friends.  She didn't want to hang out with my brother's or my friends.  I knew she was my mom and had my back whenever I needed her.  But I also always knew that she was in charge.  She set boundaries.  She showed me what a mother's love is.  It is truly unconditional.  If I screwed up, and boy did I ever, she was there to give me guidance, but also to make me face the consequences.  I appreciate that.  It makes me appreciate the friendship we have now.  If I need advice on parenting, she is ALWAYS the first person I call.  If I need someone to vent to about a situation with a friend or coworker or school, she listens.  She offers advice, or she just listens.  That's what a mother does.  Even in her silence, I know she loves me and has my best interests in mind.  She's got my back.  She doesn't have to say it.  I know it.  I can go a few days without talking to her and then spend the next phone call talking about anything or nothing and feel totally at ease.  Outside of my husband, she knows my innermost secrets.  She knows the thoughts I have about myself, the ugly thoughts that no one should have.  She loves me in spite of my faults.  Or because of them.  She lets me have my feelings instead of telling me to "grow up" or "deal with it."  She understands me, which is probably really difficult.

My mom has incredible instincts about people.  I think that's where Reese gets it.  She, my mom, can figure a person out in the first 5 minutes of meeting them, and 9 times out of 10 she's right.  Reese is the same way.  I never really thought about that until now.  Wow!  That woman.  I mean, what else could I say about her?  She truly is remarkable.  I can't even begin to thank God enough for blessing me with such an amazing mom.

She was "Momma" back when I was little, and even though I don't always call her that, she's "Momma" still.  Little things, like Carole King songs or perfume smells or television shows, will trigger memories of my childhood.  Those little things make me so glad that she's in my life and that I'm her daughter.  I honestly wouldn't want to share her with anyone else, and I'm so glad that Jeff and I don't have to.  We are truly blessed.

I don't know why I felt compelled to write about this.  Maybe because I posted a picture from the day Alex was born on Facebook.  Maybe because I got to help my mom out with something yesterday, and I love when I get to do that.  Maybe I just really cherish the fact that I get to be someone's mom, and I get to have a fantastic mom myself.  I don't know.  I just love her.  And I just love them.  That's all.

I'm Back!

It has been two years since I've posted anything on this blog.  A lot has happened in that time.  One of the most important changes that took place was that we bought our first home.  We moved to a new town, so that has been an adjustment.  We are doing well, though, with that transition.  The kids are in a smaller school system, which was/is very important to me.  We now live in a neighborhood with families that have kids the same ages as our kids.  This has been a God-send.  I can't even begin to tell you how blessed we are with that.  The kids can run down to the neighbors' houses and play until they are tired, or until the parents get tired of them. Ha!  The reverse has also happened; kids come and play here and we LOVE it!

Another important thing that has happened is that I have been given the diagnosis that I had been searching to find for quite some time.  I have Celiac Disease.  It is very difficult to live with, often frustrating at times, but it is an adjustment we must make.  One of the benefits of having CD is that I now have an answer to the questions.  I have a frame of reference for why I was/am always getting sick.  It may be financially difficult, especially because gluten free food is so expensive, but the monetary issues are worth the health rewards.  One of the issues that I found with CD was that when I get any kind of sickness, whether it is the flu, a sinus infection, or bronchitis, it hits me harder than most.  I am typically sick for much longer than I should be.  This is because of my compromised immune system.  CD is an auto-immune disorder.  It is not just a sensitivity to gluten or an allergy.  It is serious, not that the others aren't.  But having CD has made me open my eyes up wider to my overall health.  I can't just let things go.  I must stay on top of it, for my health and the well-being of my family.

I am in my last couple of semesters of graduate school.  It seems like this has flown by at times, and at others, it feels like I've been doing this forever.  I have been able to make some incredible friends in graduate school, and I've been blessed to explore my love of English, writing, reading, and tutoring.  I never knew that I would actually love to tutor people, but I feel like I have found my calling.  I am so incredibly thankful that Ryan pushed me into pursuing my dream.

I am certain that there is much more I could discuss, but since I am feeling a bit under the weather, I believe I'll stop here.  I will try to update this blog more.  I forgot how much I enjoyed blogging.  Until next time...