Angry Kristin

Sometimes in life, things happen that make us become really jaded.  People come and go from our lives, and sometimes it really hurts.  Sometimes, we're glad those people left our lives because we're both better for it.  Sometimes, however, the loss really stings.

Right now, I'm really angry.  I'm angry at someone for doing something so stupid and selfish.  I am angry because this person has no regard for anyone else's feelings.  I am angry because this person is hiding behind a facade, and the person who has probably been hurt the most has to just sit by and watch.  This person tries to play the "woe is me" card, or "please feel sorry for me" because they want attention.  If everyone knew what this person had done, who they really were, they would NOT feel sorry.  They would be angry, too.  They'd be angry that they let someone like this into their life.  They would be angry that they did not see it coming.  They would feel like I do, which is stupid.  Stupid for buying all the lies.  Stupid for trusting someone who did not deserve it.  Stupid for letting someone back into their life and not being overly cautious.

Sometimes I wish I could just scream, that's how angry I am.  I have so many words I wish I could say.  I actually can say them, but it would only make the situation worse.  If I said what was in my heart, I would hurt some very special people, and I am not willing to do that.  But, oh, do I want to.  Each time I see this person post on social media sites, it makes my stomach turn...literally.  When I see little pictures, or quotes, or conversations being had, it makes me want to vomit.  Because it's all fake.  It's all a lie.  I know it.  That person knows it.  But those who engage with this person don't.  They couldn't possibly.  Because if they did, I highly doubt they'd be so "supportive" of this person.  If they knew that this person CAUSED all the drama in their life, or CAUSED the pain to other people, or CAUSED things to disintegrate, then they wouldn't be so quick to comfort this person in their "time of need."

I don't know how one person can lie to themselves so much and try to make a situation worse by throwing things in someone else's face.  If I knew I'd hurt someone, I'd run and hide.  I'd do everything in my power to make it right.  I would carefully choose my words before posting on social media sites.  I certainly wouldn't flaunt what I'd done.  I wouldn't try to make others feel sorry for me, especially because I'd caused the situation in the first place.  I wouldn't purposely draw attention to myself, that's for sure.

I do not, and probably will not, understand how someone could purposely hurt someone else, and then not really feel badly about it.  When you disrupt someone's life, when you do everything you could possibly do to try and ruin this person, shouldn't you feel bad?  I suppose not. Otherwise, you'd not do those things in the first place.  I'm just really sick and tired of seeing it.  I'm tired of seeing those I care about have to deal with it.  I'm tired of being angry.

I just want to get to a place where I can look at this person and not feel rage.  I want to come to a place where I can see their social media posts and just overlook them, or move on with no feelings one way or the other.  I want to be able to know that those I care about are not going to have to deal with the nonsense.  I want to take it all away for them, or at least shield them from the drama.  I want this time to just go away, and for everything to be okay again.

I pray that I can come to peace with this situation.  It might not directly affect me, but indirectly it certainly does.  It stresses me out to see those I care about being hurt.  It hurts.  What this person did wasn't done to me, but it still hurts. I was lied to.  I was made to feel like a fool.  I opened my heart and family to someone who certainly didn't deserve to have a place there, and that makes me so angry, but also incredibly sad.  I don't want to be Angry Kristin anymore.  In time, I know the anger will fade.  I just have to bite my tongue a little longer.